Subject:	Fw: How to hand in your notice
  
  Best ever resignation letter (An actual letter sent by a fed up  U.S
  employee)
 
  Mr Baker,
  As an employee of an institution of higher education, I  have a few very
  basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct  superiors have an
  intellect that ranges above the common ground  squirrel. After your
  consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my  co-workers during  the
  commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you  are one of the few
  true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to
  explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to
  stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but  also a waste of
  precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix,  and you were
  apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other  employees, who
  watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for
  the hundredth time.
 
  You will never understand computers. Something as  incredibly simple as
  binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand
  why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even
  though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an 
  IP is.
 
  Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk
  around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You
  have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your
  interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off
  on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
  ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green
  algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad
  proof of the Dilbert principle.
 
  Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
  frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however
  I have a few parting thoughts.
 
  1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to
  give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to  hurt me is "I prefer not
  to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple  of
  years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on
  your own.
 
  2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
  every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to  get
  cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently
  saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that
  terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the
  administration.
 
  3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures  of your mother's
  b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
  yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
  techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
  acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
  and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
  recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to
  correct your mistakes.)
 
  Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
  desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
  little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
 
  Never f*** with your systems administrators, because they know what you
  do with all your free time.
 
  Sincerely,
 
  Ted Brewer

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