Subject:        Things we all need to know
 
 Things Women need to know
  1. ¾ length trousers are not fashionable, they just look like bad 
     hand-me-downs
  2. Long black boots and a mini skirt will always get a bloke's attention.
  3. Mini skirts never went out of fashion, the shorter the better
  4. Hot pants should only be worn by models, nobody likes to see a
     cellulite arse and thighs.
  5. Wonderbras should carry a disappointment label with them, you
     shouldn't advertise a Porsche and deliver a Mini.
  6. Glittery make-up is a pain to get off our knob.
  7. Taking a handbag to the toilets immediately notifies the entire male
     audience that its red rag time. This is much appreciated as
     we no not to  waste valuable drinking time chatting up someone
     impersonating an A&E  victim.
  8. A purse should contain money and not a "Bar" deflector. A bird going
     "Dutch" always gets a second date.
  9. Smoking is not a fashion accessory or a turn on, so stop acting like a
     school girl and buy some mints. (school uniforms are still acceptable
     though).
 
  Things Men need to know
 
  1. Yes, Homer Simpson is funny - but not on your tie.
  2. Only consider tucking your jumper into your jeans if you're a vicar.
  3. Getting your girlfriend to iron your jeans is unacceptable. Ironing them
     yourself is evidence of an unsound mind.
  4. Cowboy boots - NO!!!
  5. Pointy lace-up shoes make women retch.
  6. Going bald ? - shave it off for God's sake!
  7. Never take your top off in public, unless you've just won Wimbledon.
  8. Donald Duck socks do not reflect your individuality nor the wild side
     of your corporate facade. They do, however, mean your mother
     still dresses you  or you wish she did.
  9. Socks and sandals - lovely on Germans.
  10. A jester hat does not a wacky man make. Even Noddy Holder regrets the 70s.
  11. Speedos are only acceptable on Olympic swimmers......
  12. as are medallions.....
  13. and tracksuit tops and bottoms.
  14. Do you have a grey, red and black asymmetrical duvet ? Habitat help
      line  0845 601 0740
  15. Open shirts: one button open = professional; two buttons casual;
      three  = oversharing.
  16. Sleeveless t-shirts are ok if you're 17, can do the
      running-on-the-spot  dance at the drop of a hat and you're a member of
      NSync. OK ?  
  17. Understand this:
      if you're wearing the wrong underpants, she'll never come back.
  18. Those fold-up scooters + middle thirties exec = tosser.  19. Here's
      a startling fact guys: Lara Croft isn't real. And Angelina is a)  an
      actress and b) married.
  20. Is your definition of "new season shopping" buying the Man Utd kit?
      Please seek professional help.
  21. Unless you own a rap empire, leave the chunky gold and "ice" in the
      window of H. Samuel where it can live a long and happy life doing no-one
      any harm.....
  22. You'll NEVER pull if you put your mobile in the mobile phone pocket
      of your combats.
  23. Bleached blonde hair. If it doesn't work for Eddie Irvine, it's not
      going to do it for you.
  24. Chinos - fashionable for 6 months in 1989 and that was it.

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