"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.

     Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
     finding a weakness in the Borg?  And Mr. Data, have you been able to
     access their command pathways?"

     Geordi> "Yes, Captain.  In fact, we found the answer by searching
     through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

     Geordi> presses a  key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

     Riker> looks puzzled "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"

     Data> turns to answer. "Allow me to explain.  We will send this
     program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command
     pathways.  Once inside their root command unit, it will begin
     consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

     Picard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt.  Won't they alter
     their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

     Data> "Yes, Captain.  But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a
     new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'.  The use of resources
     increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able
     to adapt quickly enough.  Eventually all of their processing ability
     will be taken over and none will be available for their normal
     operational functions."

     Picard> "Excellent work.  This is even better than that 'unsolvable
     geometric shape' idea."

     ... . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

     Data>  "Captain, we have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
     command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
     resources.   We however have not received any confirmation of the
     expected 'upgrade'."

     Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
     CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an
     'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."

     Picard>  "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their
     is something we have missed."

     Data>  "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
     'upgrade'.   Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the
     plan by not sending in their registration cards.

     Riker>  "Captain we have no choice.   Requesting permission to begin
     emergency escape sequence 3F ..."

     Geordi>, excited  "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity
     has suddenly dropped to 0% !"

     Picard>  "Data, what does your scanners show?"

     Data>  "Apparently the Borg have found an internal 'Windows' module
     named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."

     Picard>  "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce
     their functionality."

     ... . .  Two Hours Pass  . . .

     Riker>  "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"

     Geordi>  "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
     compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
     successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
     monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something
     called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.

     Picard> "How much time will that buy us ?"

     Data>  "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
     time span of 6 more hours."

     Geordi>  "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

     Picard>  "Identify."

     Data>  "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
     logo"

     Over the speakers>  "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
     FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY.  WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED
     SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR.  SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY
     TROUBLE.  YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"

     Data>  "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
     released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."

     Picard>  "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

     Riker>  "Good God captain!  Those are humans floating straight toward
     the Borg ship with no life support suits!  How can they survive the
     tortures of deep space ?!"

     Data>  "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
     closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
     recognized by twenty-first century leather briefcases, and wearing
     Armani suits"

     Riker> and Picard together horrified  "Lawyers!!"

     Geordi>  "It can't be.  All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
     hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

     Data>  "True, but apparently some must have survived."

     Riker>  "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
     all types of papers."
     Data>  "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape'
     it often proves fatal."

     Riker>  "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"

     Picard>  "Turn off the monitors.  I can't stand to watch, not even
     the Borg deserve that."

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