One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch.
The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That
means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."
The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?"


One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the
mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.
"I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" he
said to the bartender.
"We got her!" replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the second room on 
the right."
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two
beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the 
second door on the right and yelled, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and
toughest whore in the Yukon!"
The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!"
Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.
"How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked the miner.
"I don't," replied the whore, "I just thought you might like to open those
beers first."



Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in
the forest and her mother said, "You'd better not go out tonight Little Red
Riding Hood because the big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do; 
he'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck
your little red socks off."
But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said, "Don't worry Mum,
I've got it covered."
So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little
pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said "You shouldn't be out
tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf's out and you know what
he'll do if he catches you. He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down
your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off."
So she pulled out the shotgun and said, "Don't worry boys. Got it covered!"
As she continued through the forest she came across the big bad wolf and he
said, "You shouldn't have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because
you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to lift up your little red dress,
pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off."
So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties,
lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and
said...
"NO! You're going to eat me like the book says."


A man was in the restroom when an Irish man came in and stood next to him 
at the urinal. The first man just happened to look down and saw the man had an
enormous penis. Knowing he would sound weird if he said anything, he tried
to keep it in. But, he finally couldn't stand it.
"I didn't want to say anything, but you've got the biggest penis I've ever
seen!"
"Well, thank you. I gave it to myself, I'm a leprechaun! I will give you
three wishes if you like?"
"Sure!" said the first guy. "1st Id like an enormous mansion"
"Done, you'll wake up in it tomorrow"
"2nd I'd like a beautiful girlfriend."
"Sure, you'll wake up with her next to you in the morning."
"3rd, I'd like a penis the size of yours!"
"OK, but I will have to butt-fuck you first."
Since the guy wants all this so badly he says OK and drops his pants and
bends over.
The first guy looks up and says, "I can't believe I'm gonna have a penis 
the size of yours!"
And the guy answers, "I cant believe you think I'm a leprechaun!"

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