One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told
that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away.
He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes,
and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500
pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Tony
decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So 
off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.
As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with
an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he
asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income
taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more then you
did."
They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as
they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to
help pass the time.
Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding
their own business when Tony and Carlos could have sworn that they saw 
their friend Paul up ahead, only this man was with an absolutely drop dead
gorgeous supermodel/centrefold.
Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man and in fact it was their friend
Paul. They asked him how is he with this unbelievable goddess, while they
were stuck with these god-awful women. Paul replied, "I have no idea, and
I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of 
my life (and I'm dead,) and I have five years of the best sex any man could
hope for to look forward to.
There is only one thing that I don't understand. After every time we have
sex, she rolls over and murmur's to herself, "Damn income taxes"!!!!!


A very pushy and ambitious salesman is trying to get the salesman of the
year award. So he goes to the Vatican and shoulders his way in to see the
pope.
"Your holiness, I represent the brewing federation. We would like to offer
you a million dollars to change the lords prayer to give us our daily 
beer."
"Offering money to change the lords prayer indeed! Be off with you!" 
replies the pope.
" Okay then two million" retorts the salesman.
"How dare you suggest we change the words of our lord, get this man out of
my sight" shouted the pope beckoning to the guards.
"As my final offer, three million dollars" shouts the salesman as he is
dragged out the door.
The pope then turns to the cardinal and says, " When does our contract with
the bakery expire?"

Index