Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

Q: What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A: Slow.

Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is 
bloody
low down"

Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after a large meal.
"Your wife makes a delicious roast," one chief said. "Thanks," his friend
said, "I'm gonna miss her"

Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q: Why don't Canadians have group sex?
A: Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.

Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a blender.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

London, 19th May
Following the approval of Viagra by the UK's health authorities, the first
shipment arrived yesterday at Heathrow airport, but was hijacked on the way
to the depot.
Scotland Yard have warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of
hardened criminals.

Q: What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian?
A: One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.

Q: What's the best part of eating cherry pie yet the worst part of eating
hair pie?
A: The crust.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.

Q: How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.

Q: What's white and clings to a toilet wall?
A: George Michael's latest release.

A man tried to phone the King of the Jungle.
All he got was a recorded message saying, "All the lions are busy right 
now.
Please try later."

Q. What's the definition of Trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blow job.

Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain 
during
root canal work?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Did you ever wonder what the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend,
and a wife are?
The prostitute says "That'll be $100."
The girlfriend says "Oh, baby! I love you, I love you, I love you!"
The wife says "Beige. Yeah. Beige. I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A: The man.

Q: What's the definition of Australian aristocracy?
A: A man who can trace his lineage back to his father.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette
with a satisfied smile on it's face and the egg is frowning and looking a
bit pissed off.
The egg mutters, to no-one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered that
question..."

The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have developed a pill to
increase lubrication in females.
The pill will be called Niagara.

Men are like disposable tissues...
You can pick them up, blow them and then toss them aside

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

Q: What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
A: You can't gargle with sand.

Q: What do vegetarian worms eat?
A: Linda McCartney.

Q: What is the result if you take a viagra with a valium?
A: If you don't get a fuck you don't give a fuck.

Q: What's the difference between a gynaecologist and a geneologist?
A: A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gyneologist looks up your
family bush.

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.

Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same 
day
in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

HIM: "Why can't I tell when you have an orgasm?"
HER: "Because you're never home when it happens."

Q: What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: You need one, but you're not quite sure why ...o r...They burn out if 
you run them to hard...

Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.

Q: How do you know when your sister is on the rag?
A: When your dad's dick tastes like blood.

Index