A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips over and
lands spread legged on the bathroom floor. She tries to stand up again but
realises that she landed so hard that her pussy has stuck to the floor
creating such a vacuum that she can't move.
She calls out to her husband for help. He tries with all his strength to
lift her up but she won't budge. So he goes next door and gets the
neighbour. Both of them are pulling like oxen but she just won't move. She
is well and truly stuck to the floor.
Suddenly the neighbour says, "Why don't we just get a hammer and break the
tiles around her legs and lift her that way?"
"Great idea," says the husband, "but just let me rub her tits a little to
arouse her."
"Why?" asks the puzzled neighbour. "So I can slide her over into the
kitchen. The tiles are cheaper in there."


A nervous young bride became irritated by her new husband's lusty advances
on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. "I demand proper
manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table."
Amused by his new wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and
climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a hint
of a smile.
"Yes," replied the wife, " Much better! "
"Very good, darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you be so kind as 
to please pass the pussy?"


This guy was invited to a stag night but his wife didn't want him to go.
"Last time you went to a stag night you got totally blind and spewed all
over yourself ruining a new suit", she said.
"I promise that I'll behave myself", he said, and begged and begged until
finally she gave in.
So he goes along to the party and orders a lemon squash to do the right
thing. Next he has a couple of light beers still trying to make sure that 
he doesn't overdo it. After that he started drinking heavies and by 10.30pm
he's starting to get pissed.
"Shit my wife will kill me if I end up blind drunk. Last time I ruined a 
new suit by vomiting all over myself" he tells a friend.
"No worries", says his mate. "What you do is put $20 in the back of your
wallet and, if you end up throwing up on your suit you give the wife the 
$20 when you get home and tell her that someone else vomited all over you and
gave you $20 for the dry cleaning".
So the guy thinks this is a great idea and starts really getting into the
booze.
By 2:00 AM he is shitfaced. He has barfed all over himself as his wife
expected he would. So he heads home and his wife greets him at the door.
"Right, that's it! I've had enough of you, I'm leaving" his wife says.
"No, no you've got it all wrong!", says the drunk guy, "I didn't do this,
someone else was so drunk they threw up all over me, but he gave me $20 to
pay for the dry cleaning," he says as he hands over the money to his wife.
"If he gave you $20 how come your giving me $40?", asked the wife.
He replied, "Oh, the other $20 is from the guy who shat in my pants!"

Index