The difference between men and women in one paragraph:
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down
the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and
yells, "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he
crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.


A man came home from the Social Security Office. "Honey," he said to his
wife, "I finally convinced them that I'm old enough to collect Social
Security."
How?" his wife asked. "Since the department of records in the small town 
you were born in was flooded, you can't get a copy of your birth certificate."
"I know," the man replied, "I just unbuttoned my shirt and showed them all
the grey hairs on my chest. That convinced them that I'm old enough."
His wife retorted, "Then while you were at it, why didn't you whip out your
dick and get disability, too?!"


An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their
wives went along as caddies.
While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot in a
rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was
over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers! The 
Englishman
stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.
"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have
to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices."
The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's ten
pounds. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers."
Two holes further along the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a molehill,
tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over
her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Irish
man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of
undergarments.
"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot
afford to buy undergarments."
With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's
five pounds. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."
Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an
exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing
that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate husband was 
the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance.
The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb.
The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit."

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