Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" the guy says. "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. 
Drive
her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her
way back, don't fuck her."

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to
marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends
it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets
new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the 
man,
"I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so
much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought
these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles
her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She
says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love
you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money,
and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.


A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an escalator
behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in 
the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me
in the eye!"
"I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get the
second black eye?"
"Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I pushed it
back in."


A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting
there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make: the
reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very
flat-chested. If he wishes to cancel the wedding, it's okay with her. The
guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, 
and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he
also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like a
baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, its okay with him. The girl
thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also
believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.
They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to Vegas
and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes, she
was flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes. One glance
at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.
After she became conscious the guy asked: "I told you before we got 
married,
why did you still faint?"
The girl said: "You told me it was just like a baby".
The guy replied: "Yes, 8 pounds and 21 inches".


A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud
of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, 
and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the
top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

Index