A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the
mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts
of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"
She replies, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."


God creates Adam, and soon Adam is complaining that he's all alone in the
Garden of Eden.
So God says, "Okay, I'll make you a companion, a beautiful creature who'll
cook and clean for you. It will be able to converse intelligently on any
subject, and never ever complain or argue."
Adam says, "That sounds great."
God says, "The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam says, "Damn, that's expensive. What can I get for a rib?"


Georgie is walking down the street after a sex-change operation has
transformed him into a beautiful women. An old friend sees him and says,
"Georgie, you look great...you're beautiful!"
Georgie says, "Thanks...but holy Christ, did it hurt."
His friend says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those implants?"
Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
His friend says, "When they cut off your dick and dug out a vagina?"
Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
His friend says, "Then what did hurt?"
Georgie says, "When the doctor drilled a fucking hole in my head and sucked
out half my brain."


Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that 
says, "Cow For Sale...$5000."
He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth five
thousand dollars."
The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this."
He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like a
woman.
Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just not
fair. Here's this farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman, and it's
worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you're
not worth shit."


There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's 
face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any
skin from her body because she was so skinny.
The husband then donated some of his skin..... however, the only place
suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks.
The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this
was a very delicate matter!
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new
beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All her friends
and relatives just raved about her youthful beauty!
She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what
he had done. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you
did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!"
He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every time
your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"


It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo.
She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with
straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very
large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting 
and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the 
pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that
his wife tease the poor fellow.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play 
along.  She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would
wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps
fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now
try lifting your dress up your thighs"
... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to
the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have 
a headache."

Index