At the 1997 World Women's Conference the first speaker from England stood
up: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more assertive with our
husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I
would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After
the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after
the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up: "After last years' conference I
went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and 
that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After 
thesecond day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done 
not only his own washing but my washing as well."
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Australia stood up: "After last years' conference I
went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and
that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing.
After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a
little bit out of my left eye."


A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the
second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to 
sink.
Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy
manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of
strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote
island.  Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head
and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She's also
managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her,
and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing
again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, "My God, you
saved my life!"
He suddenly realises the woman is Cindy Crawford!
Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together.
They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in heaven.
Cindy's fallen madly in love with our man, and they're making passionate
love morning, noon and night.
Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks, "We have a wonderful life
together, I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything
I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?"
"Sure," she says, "if it will help." He takes off his shirt and she puts it
on.
"Now would you put on my pants?" he asks.
"Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better," she says.
"Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little moustache on your
face?" he asks.
"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does.
Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the
other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes
later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude!
You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face 
close
to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is
full and bushy.
"Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her
hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily,
popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them
gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

Index