A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your
things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by
noon!"

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a
relaxing dinner with his wife, they retire to bed. So, both go to their
separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.
The man calls over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the 
way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.
The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little
honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have passionate sex and
afterwards the woman rolls out. As she returns to her bed, she once again
catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says,
"clumsy bitch".

One Fall day, Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly
drive by. Following the first hearse, was a second hearse which was 
followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked 
him who was in the first hearse.
"My wife," the man replied.
"I'm sorry," said Bill. "What happened to her?"
"My dog bit her and she died."
Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse.
The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."
Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I 
borrow your dog?"
To which the man replied, "Get in line."

Index