Medical Humour #4

Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. "I have met the man of my
dreams, finally, the love of my life !" she announces to the surgeon, "But 
I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is only 18 years old, I
am truly head over heels in love with him, and don't want to disappoint him
in any way, so I want you to make my vagina look like that of an 18 year
old."
The surgeon tells Liz of the delicate situations involved with this
operation, but does finally agree to performing the said operation.
"But one thing" Liz says "you have to swear to me that no one knows about
this operation, that no magazines or tabloids hear about it!"
"I swear Liz" the surgeon replies.
The big day arrives, Liz goes under the knife, the operation goes text book
perfect and she is moved to a recovery room. Upon regaining consciousness,
Liz's eyes focus on three huge floral arrangements at the foot of her bed.
As the surgeon enters the room to check on her, Liz bursts into tears.
"How could you do this to me !!! You swore that not a soul would hear of
this operation!!! "
"Now, now Liz, I didn't tell a soul. The first arrangement is from me. I've
been your friend, as much as your surgeon for the past 10 years, I just
wanted to make you feel good. The second arrangement is from the
anaesthesiologist, he's gay, he's one of your biggest fans, and I thought 
it was okay, since he's worked side by side with me on your operation."
Liz's eyes gazed over to the third arrangement, pointing her finger ,"And
who sent those?"
"Oh yeah" the surgeon replied. "Those are from a guy in the burns unit, he
wanted to thank you for his new ears".

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one
look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window.
Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to
stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological
abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual
intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing
now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."

A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The
doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the
screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway.
When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of and
facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked but if 
it would help solve her problem she thought she had better do what the doctor said.
As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs and
when she did he put his head between them and rested his chin right on her
private parts. After a few moments and some very positive 'yes, yes' type
noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again.
Afterwards, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main cause of
her problem was just that she was drinking far too much liquid before going
to bed.
"So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?"
"Well," said the doctor, "my wife is right, a beard would suit me."

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