Medical Humour

The usual scene. A Doctor says to a patient, "Well, I've got good news and
bad news."
The patient asks for the bad news and the doctor tells him that he has just
three weeks to live.
"Three weeks! That's terrible. I'll be dead in three weeks! What's the good news."
Doctor says, "See my huge breasted receptionist? Well, I'm fucking her!"

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had
prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried
about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm
afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places
that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side
effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls."

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. 
The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open
them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You 
open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and
everything inside is colour-coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless
spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable."

The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.
"Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother.
"My child has swallowed a contraceptive."
The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the
phone rang again.
"You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of
relief. "My husband just found another one."

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It
was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no
one was home except for the labouring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see 
while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed,
and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet
and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the
first place!!"
 

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