A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while 
he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up on the pool
table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey
just did?"
"No. What did that stupid shit do this time?" says the patron.
"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole," says the
bartender.
"Yeah, well I hope it kills the fucker because he's been driving me nuts"
says the patron.
The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and the
monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking
his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs one, sticks 
it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his ass, then
pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender.
"Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate that 
damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
 

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