CHAIN SEX
     TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE):
     During the past year I have tried to make love to
     you 365 times.
     I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of
     once every ten days. The following is a list of
     why I did not succeed more often:
     * 54 times the sheets were clean,
     * 17 times it was too late,
     * 49 times you were too tired,
     * 20 times it was too hot,
     * 15 times you pretended to be asleep,
     * 22 times you had a headache,
     * 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby,
     * 16 times you said you were too sore,
     * 12 times it was the wrong time of the month,
     * 19 times you had to get up early,
     * 9 times you said weren't in the mood,
     * 7 times you were sunburned,
     * 6 times you were watching the late show,
     * 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new
     hairdo,
     * 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us,
     * 9 times you said your mother would hear us.
     Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not
     satisfactory because:
     * 6 times you just laid there,
     * 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the
     ceiling,
     * 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over
     with,
     * 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I
     finished,
     * 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you
     move
    
     TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):
     I think you have things a little confused. Here are
     the reasons you didn't get more than you did
     * 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
     * 36 times you did not come home at all,
     * 21 times you didn't cum,
     * 33 times you came too soon,
     * 19 times you went soft before you got in,
     * 38 times you worked too late,
     * 10 times you got cramps in your toes,
     * 29 times you had to get up early to play golf,
     * 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked
     you, in the balls,
     * 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper,
     * 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running,
     * 2 times you had a splinter in your finger,
     * 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about
     it all day,
     * 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a
     dirty book,
     * 98 times you were too busy watching football,
     baseball, etc. on TV
     Of the times we did get together:
     * The reason I laid still was because you missed
     and were screwing the sheets.
     * I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling,
     what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back
     or kneeling?
     * The time you felt me move was because you farted
     and I was trying to breathe.
    

      So here are the rules:
     *If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a really fun week
     *If you read this on a Monday, wish for money
     *If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love
     *If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success
     *If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want
     *If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date
     *If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an
      important phone call

 

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