FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take
care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours  help you take care of
them, and you all share the milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to  take care of them, but
the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots  you.
NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots
you and sends the cows to Zurich.
MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the
milk.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone
to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you
vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in
cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".  The cows sue you for
breach of contract.
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they
go mad. The government does not do anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates
what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to
milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours
the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting
for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for
keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a
Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to
the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more.  Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of
bad feng shui.
LESBIANISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies
they ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership'
is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past)
twodifferently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of Non
specified gender.
COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You have
*got* to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.

 

Index