HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry basket
according to lights, darks,whites, man made or natural. Walk to bathroom
wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover any exposed
flesh and rush to the bathroom. Look at womanly physique in
the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about
getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin
cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair
once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition hair with cucumber and lamphrey conditioner with enhanced
natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until
red raw. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa
cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least
15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off. Scream loudly
when husband flushes toiletand water loses pressure and turns
red hot. Turn off shower.
Clean all wet shower surfaces. Spray mould spots with flash
bathroom spray. Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of small African country. Wrap hair
in super absorbant second towel.
Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack
with nails or tweezers if found. Return to bedroom wearing
long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover
any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend half an
hour getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in pile
on floor. Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at
her making "Woo" sound.
Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if
you have pecs(no). Admire size
of knob in mirror, scratch privates and smell fingers for
one last whiff. Get in shower.
Don't bother to look for wash cloth - don't use one. Wash face
Wash armpits Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.
Wash privates and the surrounding area Wash butt, leaving hair
on soap Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner Make
shampoo Mohican. Pull back curtain to see
self in mirror Pee (in shower) Rinse off and get out of
shower. Fail to notice water on
floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole
shower time. Partially dry off Look
at self in mirror again, flex muscles and admire size of
knob(again) Leave shower curtain
open and wet bath mat on floor Leave bathroom light and
fan on. Return to bedroom with towel
around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob,
go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her. Put on
yesterdays clothes..
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