Idiot Story 1

Members of a Norfolk family were lucky to escape with their skins intact
when 90 gallons of petrol stored in their garage unexpectedly ignited.
What led to the explosion?

It turns out that these candidates for Least Intelligent Lifeform of the
Universe had decided to stockpile petrol in readiness for potential fuel
blockades. They purchased large water storage cans and began collecting
fuel. But the seals on water cans are not suitable for corrosive
materials.

The cans leaked, and flammable fumes filled the family garage -- which
also contained the house’s central heating boiler. When the temperature
in the house dropped, the boiler switched on, igniting the fumes and
creating a petrol fireball big enough to satisfy a Hollywood director.
Although nobody actually died, the family wins an Honorable Mention for
their disastrous ingenuity.

Idiot Story 2

In Wesley Chapel, Florida, Joseph Aaron, 20, was hit in the leg with
pieces of the bullet he fired at the exhaust pipe of his car. When
repairing the car, he needed to bore a hole in the pipe. When he
couldn't find a drill, he tried to shoot a hole in it.

Idiot Story 3

A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain
while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come
out half way, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help
using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined
him and discovered that the man did not have his contact lenses in at
all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.

Idiot Story 4

In November, New York City police arrested the city's most notorious
traffic scofflaw, Leroy Linen, 41, after he inadvertently gave them his
real name when he was stopped for having only a crudely hand-lettered
"license plate" on his car. Linen's driver's license has been suspended
633 times since 1990; when police entered his name into their computer,
it took an hour and 45 minutes to print out all of his traffic
violations. Still at large in the city are 340 others whose licenses
have been suspended more than 100 times.

 

Index