WOMAN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.6 kg but known to vary from 40 to 200 kg
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

Surface usually covered with a painted film.
Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

Has a great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious metals.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in
alcohol.
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be a great aid in relaxation.
Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at
different locations, provided specimens do not come in contact with each
other.

 

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