Christmas Cake
 
  Ingredients:
  1 cup of water
  1 tsp baking soda
  1 cup of sugar
  1 tsp salt
  1 cup of brown sugar
  lemon juice
  4 large eggs
  nuts
  1 bottle Vodka
  2 cups of dried fruit
 
  Sample the vodka to check quality.
  Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is the
  highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
 
  Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
  bowl.
  Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to
  make sure the vodka is shtill OK. Try another cup .... just in case
  Turn off the mixerer. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in
  the  cup of dried fruit. Pick fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If
  the
  fried
  druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.
  Sample
  the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
  Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shit. Check
  the vodka.
 
  Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a
  spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven
  and
  piss in the fridge. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
  over.
  Don't forget to beat off the turner.
  Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka. Fall
  into bed.
 
  CHERRY MISTMAS!

 

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