TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT AT THE OFFICE AREN'T:

      10. I need to whip it out by 5.
       9. Mind if I use your laptop?
       8. Just stick it in my box.
       7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
       6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
       5. HMMMMMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!
       4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
       3. It's an entry level position.
       2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
       And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the office but it isn't:
       1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!!!
     
       TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN LAW AREN'T:
       10. Have you looked through her briefs?
       9. He is one hard judge!
       8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
       7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
       6. Is it a penal offense?
       5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
       4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
       3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
       2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
       And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law isn't:
       1. Think you can get me off?
     
       TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN GOLF AREN'T:
       10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
       9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
       8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
       7. Look at the size of his putter.
       6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
       5. Mind if I join your threesome?
       4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
       3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
       2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot tobe desired.
       And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isn't:
       1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.

  

     30 THINGS EVERYBODY HAS DONE AT LEAST ONCE BUT WILL
     NEVER ADMIT.....

     1.  Picked their nose
     2.  Picked their nose and eaten the contents
     3.  Peed in the shower
     4.  Farted in the bath
     5.  Farted on their hand and smelled it
     6.  Farted and blamed somebody else
     7.  Read a porno magazine
     8.  Watched a porno film
     9.  Watched 'countdown'
     10. Watched Sesame Street
     11. Masturbated
     12. Wiped there ass with something other than toilet
         paper
     13. Worn the same underwear for at least three days in
         a row.
     14. Got so drunk they cant remember what they did
     15. Started a fight
     16. Tasted their own ear wax
     17. Played truth or dare
     18. Played strip poker
     19. Walked around their house naked
     20. Fancied / got turned on by somebody of the same sex
     21. Suffered from explosive Diarrhoea
     22. Had head lice
     23. Been severely constipated
     24. Puked on themselves
     25. Puked on somebody else
     26. Coughed up phlegm and then swallowed it back down.
     27. Coughed up phlegm, took it out, examined it and
         swallowed it back down.
     28. Picked fluff out of their bellybutton.
     29. Wet the bed



 

Index