NICKNAMES -- If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob
and John go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

EATING OUT -- When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each
throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have
anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When
the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY -- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for 
a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS -- A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average
number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be
able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS -- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS -- Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE -- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS -- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE -- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP -- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, 
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress
up for weddings, funerals.

NATURAL -- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING -- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods 
and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short
people living in the house.

Index