If you receive an email entitled "Crazy Times"
      delete it immediately. Do not open it! Apparently
      this one is pretty nasty.
 
      It will not only erase everything on your hard
      drive, but it will also delete anything on disks
      within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes
      the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It
      reprograms your ATM access code, messes up the
      tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field
      harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
 
      It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness
      settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk
      curdles. It will program your phone autodial to
      call only your mother-in-law's number.
 
      This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish
      tank. It will drink all your beer. It will leave
      dirty socks on the coffee table when you are
      expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will
      cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be
      honest, you have some) to migrate behind your
      ears.
 
      It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your
      Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current
      boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their
      hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
 
      It will cause you to run with scissors and throw
      things in a way that is only fun until someone
      loses an eye.It will give you Dutch Elm Disease
      and Tinea. It will rewrite your backup files,
      changing all your active verbs to passive tense
      and incorporating undetectable misspellings which
      grossly change the interpretations of key
      sentences.
 
      If the "Crazy Times" message is opened in a
      Windows 95 environment, it will leave the toilet
      seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
      dangerously close to a full bathtub.
 
      It will not only remove the tags from your
      mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill
      your skimmed milk with whole milk. It will replace
      all your luncheon meat with Spam. It will
      molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume,
      causing it to smell like dill pickles.(Remember
      Brut 33 ?)
 
      It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and
      terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
      interesting shade of mauve.
 
      These are just a few signs of infection.
      PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU
      KNOW!!!

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