A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
        floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When
        inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was
        shopping on the internet and they asked for a credit
        card number, so she's using the ATM "thingy".
  
        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
        her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She
        replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to
        this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.
        Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient
        store) would have a battery to fit this?"
        "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
        "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it
        and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually
        unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over
        there and check about the batteries . . . it's a long
        walk."
  
        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too
        swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary
        and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I
        do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told him.
        With that, the intern took his last remaining blank
        piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded
        to make five "blank" copies.
  
        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        I was in a car dealership a while
        ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage.
        The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and
        the whole thing generally looked like an extra in
        "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He
        told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and
        then went in the back to make a sandwich.
  
        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        IDIOTS AT WORK...
  
        Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
  
        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase
        when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name
        on the back of the credit card. She informed me that
        she could not complete the transaction unless the card
        was signed. When asked why, she explained that it was
        necessary to compare the signature on the credit card
        with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I
        signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully
        compared that signature to the one I signed on the
        receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
  
        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
  
        I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new
        neighbor call the local township administrative office
        to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our
        road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars
        and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
  
        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        IDIOTS & COMPUTERS
  
        My neighbor works in the operations department in the
        central office of a large bank. Employees in the field
        call him when they have problems with their computers.
        One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
        branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke
        coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have
        a fire downtown?"
  
        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE
  
        I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher
        commented that the next day would be the shortest day
        of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited,
        cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the
        amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of
        time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
  
        ~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
  
        My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
        taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for
        "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

  
        ~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  
        AN IDIOT'S IDIOT
  
        Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect
        by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting
        it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's
        lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
        copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
        telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was
        working, the suspect confessed

Index