TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH . .
1) If you think you're fat, you probably are . Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
(also applies to questions concerning hair - hairstyles, haircuts, highlights, perms...)
2) Learn to work the toilet seat. Don't allow it to outsmart you, If it's up, put it down.
3) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
4) Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big
reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're
stuck with her. (Does not apply to facial hair, leg-hair or armpit-hair)
5) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present yet again! (By definition it is possible to buy the perfect present only once)
6) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
7) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as fishing, cricket, rugby or cars.
8) Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
10) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11) You have enough clothes.
12) You have too many shoes.
13) Crying is blackmail.
14) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.
15) Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
16) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the
calendar.
17) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
18) Most guys own three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at
choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
19) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
20) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
21) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
22) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23) Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24) Check your own oil.
25) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
26) No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
27) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and
void after 7 days.
28) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or
angry, we meant the other one.
29) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
30) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.
(We don't want to confuse you with the logical process of cause and effect)
31) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
(This one is particularly cunning and subtle - as we men know, commercials are always
broadcast at a louder volume than the television programme.)
32) ALL men see in only 16 colours. (I disagree, we men like to see everything in ONLY black
and white as it keeps everything simple and within our understanding. Having 14 other colours
takes us into new, unchartered territory. This does not apply to gay men, of course, who
rejoice in all colours of the rainbow and whose all-time favourite literary publication is the
1984 Dulux Spring Colour catalogue (pastel extravaganza)). Peach is a fruit, not a color.
33) If it itches, it will be scratched. (Warning!! Some men take this to include the 7-year itch)
34) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. (this one is debatable as men don't usually
get too excited about colour co-ordinating their beer cans with their belts and shoes, although
refer #32 above.)
35) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
36) We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
37) What the hell is a doily?
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