I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots ... I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
How can I be overdrawn, I still have cheques!
Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole.
Snatch a kiss, or vice versa.
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...notscreaming and yelling
like the passengers in his car.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
Rehab is for quitters.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.

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