ONE DAY A CUCUMBER, PICKLE AND A PENIS WERE HAVING A CONVERSATION:

THE PICKLE SAYS:
"YOU KNOW, MY LIFE REALLY SUCKS.  WHENEVER I GET BIG, FAT, AND JUICY THEY
SPRINKLE SEASONINGS OVER ME AND THEY STICK ME IN A JAR."

THE CUCUMBER SAYS:
"YEAH, YOU THINK THAT'S BAD?  WHENEVER I GET BIG, FAT AND JUICY, THEY SLICE
ME UP AND THEY PUT ME OVER SALAD."

THE PENIS SAYS:
"YOU THINK THAT YOUR LIVES ARE TOUGH?  WHENEVER I GET BIG, FAT AND JUICY,
THEY THROW A PLASTIC BAG OVER MY HEAD, SHOVE ME IN A WET, DARK, SMELLY 
ROOM, AND FORCE ME TO DO PUSH-UPS UNTIL I THROW UP AND LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS!!

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