1. A HIGHER INTELLIGENCE... AT&T fired President John Walter after nine
  months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership." He received a $26
  million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
  intelligence.
 
  2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California
  spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself
  inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered
  that the man was standing beside them, shouting "Please come out and give
  yourself up".
 
  3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a
  motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller
  machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
  accounts.
 
  4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked
  for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small,
  so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
  hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
 
  5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
  suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
  asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money
  or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"
 
  6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife
  is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her
  first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her
  husband!"
 
  7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard
  King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a
  weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but
  unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
 
  8. THE GRAND FINALE This is a true story! Last summer, down on Lake
  Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield,
  California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter
  how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to
  perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in
  almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about
  an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby marina,
  thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside
  check revealed everything in perfect working order. The engine ran fine,
  the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
  So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.  He
  came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. REMEMBER, THIS IS
  TRUE..... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
  trailer.

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