If Cosmopolitan Was Written By A Bloke!
       
       
        Dear Cosmo:
        Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my
        sister.
        A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you,
        so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue,
        this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins
        involved?
        If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy
        him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't
        mention this aspect of his behaviour.
       
        Dear Cosmo:
        Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
        A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10
        calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and
        gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His
        offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is
        extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank
        him,buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.
       
        Dear Cosmo:
        Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
        A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged.
        The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other
        men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful
        affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at
        how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable
        home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook
        him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
       
        Dear Cosmo:
        Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
        A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must
        mess with it,
        do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may
        wish to video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea markets.
        To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and cook
        him a delicious meal.
       
        Dear Cosmo:
        Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
        A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not
        love your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you
        in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by
        buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.
       
        Dear Cosmo:
        Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
        A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant,
        man-hating feminist lesbians and is a danger to the family unit. Don't
        mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice
        expensive present and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal. 

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