THINGS THE MOVIES TAUGHT US:


 1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange 
 noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

 2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing 
 St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

 3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level

 on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

 4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 

 5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the
 control tower to talk you down.

 6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. 

 7. The ventilation system of any building is a  perfect hiding place. No
 one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel  to any
 part of the building without difficulty

 8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the 
 mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

 9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a  German officer, it will not 
 be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

 10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

 11. People on TV never finish their drinks. 

 12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but 
 will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

 13. The chief of police always shouts. 

 14. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a 
 note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the
 exact fare.

 15. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 
 15cm.

 16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When  entering a kitchen at night,
 you should open  the fridge door and use that light instead.

 17. During all police investigations, it will be  necessary to visit a 
 strip club at least once.

 18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every 
 morning, even  though the husband and children never have  time to eat
 them.

 19. Cars and trucks that crash will almost  always burst into flames. 

 20. Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man 
 invulnerable to bullets.

 21. A single match will be sufficient to light  up a room the size of a 
 football stadium.

 22. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just 
 relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

 23. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. 

 24. Although in the 20th century it is possible  to fire weapons at an 
 object out of visual  range, people of the 23rd century will have lost 
 this technology.

 25. All single women have a cat.

Index