The Diary of D Beckham
MONDAY:
Talk about baby names in training. Yorkie says why not call him "Juan",
after the number of brain cells I have. I laugh along but I don't get
it. Talk to the gaffer about it. Tell him I'm thinking of naming the
baby after myself. Boss says that no kid would appreciate being called a
whingeing egotistical bastard. Suggests I name baby after him.

TUESDAY:
Posh says no child of hers will be called Moaning Scottish Git. In
training, Yorkie asks why my missus is called Posh; I explain it's
because she's a classy bird. Everyone laughs but I don't know why.

WEDNESDAY:
Talk to the journo who's writing my autobiography. Boss gets us
motivated for the match by telling me I'll be playing against the man
who cheated in the Argentina game during the World Cup. Didn't even know
Owen had signed for Inter. In training boss tells me to practise
shooting before getting into the box. Yorkie says I wouldn't be in the
situation I'm in now if I'd done that before. Everyone laughs but I
don't get it.

THURSDAY:
Wow! Boss calls me in and gives me a ten grand a week pay rise. I never
asked for it but he explains that I'll need it to keep the child in new
Man United strips.

FRIDAY:
Gosh, I'm a dad. It's going to mean a whole change to my lifestyle. Now
I'm going to have to maintain a nanny too. Decide to call it Brooklyn as
that's where it was conceived during a weekend away. Yorkie says thank
fuck it wasn't that Saturday we played up the Arsenal. Everyone laughed
but I didn't get it.

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