Saying Goodbye The 90's Way 
 
Women often find ending a relationship with a man the most difficult
part  of the dating process. It’s difficult and draining. But, there
is now a  great way to blow a man off. It's safe, it's affordable and
the best thing is, the male has no opportunity to whine and beg and
try to make you feel guilty. It's at your fingertips right now -
e-mail.  
 
That's how 90's women are telling men they are not worthy. You'll feel
incredible relief having told him how you really feel from the safety
of your keyboard. And, you can delete his response without ever
reading it. What could be more painless? 
 
The following is a standard e-mail rejection form:  
 
Dear [his name], 
 
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention to become my future husband. As you are probably aware, 
the competition was exceedingly tough this year and dozens of 
well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the 
final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening
become available. [It's acceptable to humor him even though you have
no intention of ever seeing him again.] 
 
So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors,
please allow me to offer the following reasons you were disqualified
from the competition: 
 
[Women will check all those that apply] 
 
[ ] Your continued efforts to convince me that fast food is an
appropriate way for a young couple to save money on dining expenses
wore thin after the third date. 
 
[ ] Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload"
indicates that you may be slightly over-qualified for the position. 
 
[ ] Your continuous boasting that you have every issue of "Hustler
Magazine" published since 1982 indicates that you may be slightly
under-qualified for the position. 
 
[ ] You failed the 20 question rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself. The
only question you did ask was, "Are your boobs real?" 
 
[ ] Although I don't always expect it, you NEVER opened the passenger
side door of your car for me. [You may want to consider cleaning the
interior of said car.] 
 
[ ] You've not learned that women are only amused when men strut
around the bedroom naked. 
 
[ ] You need to take advantage of those newspaper coupons for a free
month with the purchase of a health club membership. 
 
[ ] It is not necessary to remind a woman how large your penis is when
erect more than once. 
 
[ ] Your constant pleadings for me to invite my girlfriend to
participate in three-way-sex with us did not promote your professed
desire for a commitment with me. 
 
[ ] Women do not always enjoy having sex with you while you are all
sweaty from playing baseball. 
 
[ ] Cutting your toenails and trimming your nose hairs are grooming
activities best done privately. 
 
[ ] Your revelation that you would "do your ex-wife again just to make
her feel better" makes it difficult to take you seriously. 
 
[ ] You might have asked me once if I really did have an orgasm. By
the way, I did not. 
 
[ ] I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time. 
 
Sincerely, 
 
[Your name] 
 
revised by L. Renee Salomone  

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