Moses in the Computer Age

"Er, excuse me, Sir."

"Is that you again, Moses?"

"I'm afraid it is, Sir."

"What is it this time, Moses.  More computer
problems?"

"How did you guess?"

"I don't have to guess, Moses.  Remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I forget."

"Tell me what you want, Moses."

"But, you alread know.  Remember?"

"Moses!"

"Sorry, Sir."

"Well, go ahead, Moses.  Spit it out!"

"Well, I have a question, Sir.  You know those ten
things you sent me."

"You mean the commandments, Moses?"

"That's it. I was wondering if they were important."

"What do you mean 'were important', Moses?  Of course,
they are important.
Otherwise I wouldn't have sent them to you."

"Well, sorry, but I lost them.  I could say the dog
ate them, but
of course you would see right through that."

"What do you mean 'you lost them'! Are you trying to
tell me you didn't save
them, Moses?"

"No, Sir. I forgot."

"Well, my son always saves, Moses."

"Yeah, I know.  You told me that before.  I was going
to, but I forgot. I
did send them to some people before I lost them
though."

"And did you hear back from any of them?"

"You already know I did.  What about the one guy who
said he never uses
'shalt not'.  Can he change the  words a little bit?"

"Yes, Moses.  As long as he doesn't change the
meaning."

"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a
little harsh and
recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions or
letting
people pick one or two to try for a while?"

"Moses, I'll act like I didn't hear that."

"I think that means, 'no'.  Well, what about the guy
who said I was scamming
him?"

"I think that is spamming, Moses."

"Oh, yeah.  I e-mailed him back and told him I don't
even eat tht stuff and
I have no idea how you can send it to someone through
a computer."

"And what did he say?"

"You know what he said.  He used your name in vain.
You don't think he
might have sent me one of those plagues and that's the
reason I lost those
ten things, do you?"

"They're called viruses, Moses.'

"Whatever!  This computer stuff is just too much for
me.  Can we
just go back to those stone tablets?  It was hard on
my back taking them out
and reading them each day, but I never lost them."

"We'll do it the new way, Moses."

"I was afraid you would say that, Sir."

"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"

"You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out
toward the computer."

"It's a mouse, Moses.  Mouse! And did you do that?"

"No, I decided to try the technical support first.
After all, who knows
more about this stuff than you, and I really like your
hours.  By the way,
Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"

"No, Moses."

"One other thing. Why didn't you name them frogs
instead of mice, because
didn't you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"

"I didn't name them, Moses.  Man did, and you can call
yours a beatnik if
you want to."

"Oh, that explains it.  Kind of like Adam, huh, Sir?
I bet some woman told
him to call it a mouse.  After all, wasn't it a woman
who named one of the
computers Apple?"

"Say goodnight, Moses."

"Wait a minute, Sir.  I am stretching out the mouse
and it seems
to be working.  Yes, a couple of the ten things have
come back."

"Which ones are they, Moses?"

"Let's see.  'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an
image' and 'Thou shalt
not uncover thy neighbor's wife.'"

"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'll send you another
set of stone tablets.
How does 'Same Day Air' sound?"

Index