How many men does it take to open a beer?
 None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.
  
 Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
 Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will never be able to
 support you.
  
 Why do women have smaller feet than men?
 It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
 to  the kitchen sink.
  
 How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
 When she starts her sentence with "My husband told me . . ."
  
 How do you fix a woman's watch?
 You don't. Why do you think they put a clock on the stove?
  
 Why do men let off wind more than women?
 Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
  
 If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
 front door, who do you let in ?
 The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
  
 What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
 A woman that won't do what she's told.
  
 I married Miss Right.
 I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  
 I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
 She hates to be interrupted .
  
 What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
 Divorced.
  
 Scientists have discovered a food that immediately diminishes a woman's
 sex drive by 90%. It's called  Wedding Cake.
  
 Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
 Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
  
 Our last fight was my fault:
 My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

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