When Rupert met Glenn...


RL: "Hello Glenn, welcome to Hell, sorry I mean The Dell".
GH: "Hello Rupert".
RL: "Before we proceed any further with this little chat, I suppose you must
be wondering why I have
asked you to come and see me and the need for the hush, hush cloak and
dagger stuff".
GH: "Well I was a bit confused, as you already have a manager, David Jones I
think his name is".
RL: "Yes that's right".
GH: "Didn't he used to sing with the Monkees pop group in the 1960's?"
RL: "No, no you've got the wrong chap, anyway I've devised a cunning plan to
get rid of him,
apparently he went over the top with his youth development policy when he
worked at some children's
home in Liverpool or something like that. Anyway what I plan to do is spin
him some bullshit about giving
him a year of work to concentrate of clearing his name, put someone like
yourself in his place, and then
when the year is up I'll give him some more rubbish about bringing the name
of the club into disrepute
and sack him.
GH: "Sounds a tad unfair to me Rupert, that's not the sort of thing that is
written in the Bible".
RL: "Yes, I was just going to bring that subject into play, now we all know
how religious you are Glenn
and how the media portrayed you as a sort of God-like person, which is why I
think you would feel at
home here, because as you know our nickname is the Saints, clever, eh!!, by
the way why have you got
scars on the palms of both hands".
GH: "Yes I am religious Rupert, and the scars are from an injury from my
previous employer".
RL: "What!!, you don't mean........"
GH: "Yes Rupert the FA, they didn't believe that I was miss-reported in that
newspaper interview and
they crucified me, along with the rest of the Press".
RL: "Well, have I got some good news for you Glenn, you see the locals
around here also felt that you
were treated unfairly, and they have even formed a group that meet here on
Saturday's at 3pm. They call
themselves the Southampton Communities helping miss-Understood Managers
(SCUM)
GH: " I like the sound of that Rupert, now if I did accept your offer would
I be able to bring in the
players that I want?"
RL: "Yes of course, who do you have in mind"
GH: "Well I would like to have players with the same names as the 12
disciples".
RL: "I'm sorry, I don't quite understand what you mean".
GH: "You know, Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John etc".
RL: "Oh yes, well there's no problem there we already have Matt Le Tiss".
GH: "Le Tiss Who?"
RL: "Bless you".
GH: "I'll do the blessings if you don't mind Rupert".
RL: "Sorry,"
GH: "What other players have you got here?"
RL: "We've got Mark Hughes, but he's off to manage some team where they sing
a lot, call each other
boyo, and prefer to play football with a funny shaped ball".
GH: "I hear that there is a superb youngster by the name of Luke Nightingale
who plays for a good
team about 30 miles away from here, apparently they are having a super new
stadium built ready for
when they get promoted to the Premiership, any chance of buying him?"
RL: "I didn't think Bournemouth had any good players!"
GH: "I'm not talking about Bournemouth, I'm taking about POMPEY".
(THEY BOTH BREAK INTO A ROUSING CHORUS OF THE POMPEY CHIMES)
GH: "Sorry about that I got carried away".
RL: "That's OK Glenn, those Pompey Chimes are a bit infectious aren't they,
anyway what do you think
about coming here to manage our team".
GH: "Sounds fine to me Rupert, I can guarantee that by this time next year
I'll have this team back in
Div 1".
RL: "What do you mean Div 1, we don't want to get relegated".
GH: "Sorry, I saw your team play last week and it looked like a Div 2
performance".
RL: "Well all we have to do is sort out a financial package for you, what
salary would you require?"
GH: "5 loaves and 2 fishes will suit me fine".
RL: "Great, and you can bring your sidekick Eileen Brewery along with you as
well, I'm all in favour of
any way to improve our teams performance".
GH: "Drewery, Rupert, her name is Eileen Drewery".
RL: "Sorry about that, now about your hotel and travelling expenses for
coming here today".
GH: "My wife and I are staying in a stable which a local innkeeper let us
use together with the donkey
which we travelled on".
RL: "You came here on a donkey, where is it now?"
GH: "When we arrived here we saw 11 other donkeys in red and white shirts
running around with a
football, so we left it with them".
RL: "Good move Glenn, your donkey might teach mine a thing or two about
football"
GH: "That's it then Rupert, I'll see on Saturday at 3pm".
RL: "I can't wait Glenn, and once again welcome to Hell, I'm sorry I mean
The Dell".


END OF INTERVIEW

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