1999 Darwin "Natural Selection" Awards - Criminal Category
 
  The long awaited 1999 Darwin "Natural Selection" Awards - Criminal
  Category have been released! These awards are given each year to bestow
  upon that individual, who through isolation by incarceration, has done
  the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
 
  RUNNER-UP # 9
 
  Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her step son's Boy Scout
  meeting. While watching a policeman demonstrate his drug dog's ability,
  the dog found a bag of grass in her purse.
 
  RUNNER-UP # 8
 
  Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
  and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put
  the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted
  behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the
  bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are
  over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it
  to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his
  drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
  looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
  the scotch in the bag.
 
  The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
  called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
  got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
 
  RUNNER-UP # 7
 
  A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
  car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and
  told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and
  wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was
  arrested.
 
  RUNNER-UP # 6
 
  San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked
  into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this
  bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
  began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
  the police before he reached the teller window.
 
  So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
  After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
  Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that
  he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could
  not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
  deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
  deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
  the man said "OK" and left.
 
  The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few
  minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
 
  RUNNER-UP # 5
 
  (From England) A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed
  trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
  later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his
  car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
  40 pounds.
 
  Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
  another picture ...of handcuffs.
 
  The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
 
  RUNNER-UP # 4
 
  Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
  Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
  prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
  Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said
  Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
  court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered
  a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a
  five minute recess to compose himself.
 
  RUNNER-UP # 3
 
  Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
  convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant
  district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of
  defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the
  robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I
  should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then
  quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20
  minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.
 
  RUNNER-UP # 2
 
  Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were
  showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in
  a Detroit neighbourhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer
  asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license,
  they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested
  Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for
  a two year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
 
  RUNNER-UP # 1
 
  Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
  nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When
  his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
 
  THE WINNER
 
  A Charlotte, NC, man (where Valois lives ) having purchased a case of
  very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other
  things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars
  and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the
  man filed a claim against the insurance company.
 
  In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small
  fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason
  that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
 
  The man sued.... and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing
  that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a
  policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were
  insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without
  defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was
  obligated to pay the claim.
 
  Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance
  company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare
  cigars he lost in "the fires."
 
  After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on
  24 counts of arson.
 
  With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being
  used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his
  insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

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