I've learned that you cannot make
   someone love you. All you can do
   is stalk them and hope they panic
   and give in.
  
   I've learned that no matter how much I
   care, some people are just assholes.
  
   I've learned that it takes years to
   build up trust, and it only takes suspicion,
   not proof, to destroy it.
  
   I've learned that you can get by on
   charm for about fifteen minutes. After that,
   you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.
  
   I've learned that you shouldn't compare
   yourself to others - they are
   more fucked up than you think.
  
   I've learned that you can keep puking
   long after you think you're finished.
  
   I've learned that we are responsible for
   what we do, unless we are celebrities.
  
   I've learned that regardless of how hot
   and steamy a relationship is at first, the
   passion fades, and there had better
   be a lot of money to take its place.
  
   I've learned that sometimes the people
   you expect to kick you when you're down,
   will be the ones who do.
  
   I've learned that we don't have to ditch
   bad friends, because their dysfunction
   makes us feel better about ourselves.
  
   I've learned that no matter how you try
   to protect your children, they will
   eventually get arrested and end up in the
   local paper.
  
   I've learned that the people you care
   most about in life are taken from you too
   soon and all the less important ones
   just never go away.
  
   I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they
   can't take a joke"... in 6 languages.

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