Think how stupid the average person is -- then realize that half of 'em are
stupider than that! (George Carlin)

Always urinate perpendicular to a strong wind

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and irritates the 
pig.

Life's too short to drink cheap beer; but there is pleny of time to drink
free beer.

"Love is in the Eye of the Beerholder"

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's a sport....

If it jams,force it . If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Having abandoned my search for the truth, I am now looking for a good
fantasy.

Thirty days hath Septober April, June and no wonder All the rest have 
peanut butter Except my grandmother Who has a little red tricycle

SMILE, an' the world smiles with you... Fart, and you stand alone

When in doubt, always grab the fullest glass.

Index