Be careful - In the wake of the 'I love you virus'
  there are a range of new
  viruses emerging:

  The Manchester United virus:
  Your PC develops a disorder whereby the memory
  forgets
  everything before 1993.

  The Man United shirt virus:
  This one is especially hard to detect as it changes
  its format every 3 months.

  The Schmeichel virus:
  Your PC develops a hideous, large red dot in the
  middle of the screen.

  The David Beckham virus:
  The lights on your PC are all on but nothing works.

  The Roy Keane virus:
  Throws you out of Windows.

  The Alex Ferguson virus:
  Your PC develops a continuous whining noise.

  The Andy Cole virus:
  Your PC is unable to get anything into the inbox

  The Massimo Taibi virus:
  You just can't save anything.

  The Ryan Giggs virus:
  Makes your computer think it's better than it
  actually is.

  Less virulent, but still wise to keep an eye out for
  are:

  The Ian Walker virus:
  Your PC will act as though it will save something,
  but let
  you down at the last minute.

  The David Ginola virus:
  Computer pretends to go down, but then boots back up
  and is OK.

  The Stan Collymore virus:
  Luckily this one doesn't actually work, but
  sometimes
  boots up some Swedish models.

  The Glenn Hoddle virus:
  Disables your PC, blames it all on its previous life
  as a calculator.

  The Tony Adams/Rio Ferdinand virus:
  All drive privileges lost.

  The Bradford City virus:
  Makes you think it will go down but presses escape
  at the last minute.
 

Index