The official 2003 men's rules guide taken from the Secret Men's Handbook

  1.Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed by
  his mates.

  2.Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

  3.It is OK for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
   a.When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
   b.The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
   c.After wrecking your boss' car.
   d.One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
   e.When she is using her teeth.

  4.Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
  jail within 12 hours.

   5.If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
  limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

   6.Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is
  forbidden.Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

  7.No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
  In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.

   8.On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
  weakest.

   9.When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask
  the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

   10.You may be flatulent in front of a woman only after you have brought
  her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
  flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

  12.Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
  kick another bloke in the nuts.

  13.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

  14.Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

  15.If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
  anything.

  16.Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
  until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
  much as the other sports watchers.

  17.You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
  girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw
  it into a ceiling fan.

  18.A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
  sober enough to fight

  19.Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
  but not both - that's just mean.

  20.If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
  about his choice of beer

  21.Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
  except if she's withholding sex pending your response

  22.Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights
  a.Yeah, Baby, Push it
  b.C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
  c.Another set and we can hit the showers

   23.Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing,
  i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
  an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

  24.Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
  you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
  if necessary.

  26.The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
  carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty
  is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big
  mistake it was

  27.It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
  her to drive yours.

  28.Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5
  litres. Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres, 16
  valves, and a turbo.

  29.Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green,
  orange or sky blue.

  30.The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
  with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!", gets a Playstation 2

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