Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
 legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
 On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because
 the truth was too humiliating.
 
 I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped
 I would feel like coming in the next day. By then, I thought, I could
 think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
 
 The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's
 wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was
 no problem but one morning after breakfast I was taking my
 shower when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
 "Ed!! The garbage disposal is dead. Come and reset it."
 
 "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
 (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"
 
 "I'm scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
 in?" (Pause.) "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
 
 So I came, dripping wet and buck naked. I crouched down and
 stuck my head under the sink to find the button. That was the last
 action I remember performing. I was struck without warning! Nay,
 it wasn't electrical shock. It wasn't a disposal drawing me into its
 gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the
 dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised
 round the corner and had stalked me as I took my position under
 the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she lept
 at the toys I had unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
 needle-like claws.
 
 I lost all rational thought when it came to controlling my bodily
 movements. I rose up at a violent rate of speed, with the
 full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Raising
 straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent.
 The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and
 the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my
 wife, the paramedics were trying to conduct their work while
 suppressing hysterical laughter.
 
 At the office, my colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me.
 I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the
 matter, cat got your tongue?"
 
 If they had only known.

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