Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
    fire in the craft it sank--
    proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat
    it, too.
  
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    Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
    and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton
    fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as
    the lesser of two weevils.
  
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    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
    He sidles up to  the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man
    who shot my paw."
  
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    A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a
    beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
  
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    Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each
    other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an
    electron!"
    Are you sure?"
    "Yeah, I'm positive!"
  
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    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
    Novocaine during root canal work?
    He wanted to transcend dental medication!
  
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    A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were
    standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After
    about an hour,the manager came out of the office and asked them to
    disperse.
    "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said,
    "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
  
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    A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
    hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and
    would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One
    afternoon,as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to
    find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw
    together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The
    doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and
    exclaimed,
    "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
    "No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender,
    "It's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
  
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    There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent
    in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns
    would win.Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. 

Index