A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in 
an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them 
at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the 
men say the following: 
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come 
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and 
pee twice.Den I come one lasta time." 
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted lady indignantly. "In this country 
we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" 
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm 
justa tellin' my frienda how to spella "Mississippi". 


A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead 
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat 
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and 
her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He 
reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. 
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in 
place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. 
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater 
followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest 
dreams and he shares his. She listens. 
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to 
her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast. 
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. 
The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!! "You know," 
he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy 
you meet?". 
"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye." 



A blonde pulls in her driveway and walk into her house. She smells 
smoke as she opens the door and realizes her house is on fire. She 
grabs the phone and dials 911 to call the fire department to report 
the fire. The operator on the other end answers and the blonde 
screams frantically, "Help, my house is on fire!" 
The operator tries to calm the blonde and asks her what her address 
is. The blonde says, "123 Oak Street, please hurry!" 
The operator then asks the blonde, "How do we get there?" 
The blonde replies, "DUH, In a big red truck!" 


How to bathe a cat

Catlovers, skip this 'guide how to wash a cat'... and don't try this 
at home ;-) 

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have 
both lids up. 
3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the 
bathroom. 
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both 
lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) 
The cat will self - agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the 
noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as 
his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. 
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "Power Wash" 
and "Rinse", which I have found to be quite effective. 
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there 
are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both 
lids. 
8. The now clan cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside 
where he will dry himself. 
Sincerely, 

The Dog! 

Yes I know his last one is cruel, but then what do you expect from a 
dog.

Index