"I Will Survive"

you will need to sing this to the tune



 THE MALE VERSION
 At first I was afraid I was petrified
 By the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
 I would've drunk a little less,
 I would've tried to keep my head.
 If I'd known for just one second you'd
 Assault me in your bed.

 I tried to go, walk out the door
 But you've been sitting on my legs and I
 Can't feel them anymore
 And now you're sitting on my face, my nose
 Has vanished - not a trace,
 I only hope that your big knickers are not
 Made of liquorice lace

 I want to go, I've got to leave
 Before your fat and naked body makes me want
 to heave
 I Only hope that no one saw me walking home
 With such a slut
 Oh God the things that you can get up to when you're
 Half cut.

 I can't believe, I'm lying here.
  It's all 'cos of that f**king evil drink that
 We call beer
 You can all sod your beer goggles, shit I must
 Have been blind
 To mistake that Hoover dam for a sexy young behind.

 Please let me go, I'm getting scared
 There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly
 Breasts from being bared.
 I think that I must have been mad, God what
 Made me want to court her?
 With tits that look like Tesco bags I've just
 Filled up with water

 It's time to go, run out the door
 She's started hinting that she wants sex on her
 Dirty lino floor
 I don't think there's anything worse
 Than the al-co-hol-ics curse.

 I WILL SURVIVE !

To which the girls reply.........

 Female Version...........

 At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
 By the ugly w*nker that was lying by my side.
 I would've drunk a little less, I would've
 Tried to keep my head,
 If I'd know for just one second I'd be in
 Your crusty bed...

 I tried to go, walk out the door.
 But I laughed so hard at your small knob that
 I fell on the floor.
 Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out
 disgrace,
 But I'd rather look at that, than at your
 F**king ugly face...!

 I want to go, I've got to leave.
 Your talk of chicks and football really makes
 Me want to heave.
 I only know I've got to stop my drinking
 Spirts and the beer
 Coz when I looked at you last night, hell, you
 Looked just like Richard Gere !

 I can't believe, that we both shagged.
 You should be wearing concrete shoes or should be
 Simply bound and gagged.
 I'm f**king off right now, I'm jumping on the
 Flippin' train
 And I'm not stopping till I'm home and washed
 Your greebies down the drain.

 Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
 We had the worst sex in the world and you're
 A bloody ugly prick
 I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at
 least he's got a lovely flat
 But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm
 Stuck with you, you twat.

 It's time to go, run out the door.
 You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
 I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm gonna
 Have no stupid fun
 Coz waking up beside you makes me
 Want to be a nun !

 I WILL SURVIVE !

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