Christmas Cake

 Ingredients:
 1 cup of water
 1 tsp baking soda
 1 cup of sugar
 1 tsp salt
 1 cup of brown sugar
 lemon juice
 4 large eggs
 nuts
 1 bottle Vodka
 2 cups of dried fruit

 Sample the vodka to check quality.
 Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is the
 highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
 Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
 bowl.
 Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to
 make sure the vodka is shtill OK. Try another cup .... just in case
 Turn off the mixerer. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in
 the  cup of dried fruit. Pick fruit off floor. Mix on the turner. If
 the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.
 Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
 Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shit. Check
 the vodka.

 Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a
 spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven
 and piss in the fridge. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
 over.
 Don't forget to beat off the turner.
 Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka. Fall
 into bed.

 CHERRY MISTMAS!

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