You have to sing it in your head as you're reading it, to the tune of 
 "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen...... 
 
 Naan, just killed a man 
 Poppadom against his head 
 Had lime pickle now he's dead. 
 
 Naan, dinner's just begun 
 But now I'm gonna throw it all away. 
 
 Naan, ooh, ooh 
 Didn't mean to make you cry 
 Seen nothing yet just see the loo tomorrow 
 Curry on, curry on 
 Cause nothing really Madras. 
 Nothing really Madras to me. 
 
 Too late, my dinner's gone 
 Sends shivers down my spine 
 Rectum aching all the time 
 
 Goodbye onion bhaji, 
 I've got to go 
 Gotta leave you all 
 behind and use the loo. 
 
 Naan, ooh, ooh 
 This dupiazza is so mild I sometimes 
 wish we'd never come here at all. 
 
 I see a little chicken tikka on the side Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, 
 pass the chutney made of mango 
 Vindaloo does nicely Very very spicy Meat! 
 
 Byriani (Byriani) Byriani (Byriani) Byriani and a naan (A vindaloo loo 
 loo loo) 
 
 I've eaten balti, somebody help me 
 He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory 
 Stand you well back 'Case the loo is quarantined... 
 
 Here it comes 
 There it goes 
 Technicolor yawn I chunder No! 
 
 It's coming up again (There he goes) 
 I chunder, it's coming back again (There he goes) 
 Coming back again (up again) 
 Here it comes again. (No no no no no no NO) 
 
 On my knees, I'm on my knees 
 On his knees, Oh, there he goes 
 This vindaloo Is about to wreck my guts 
 Poor meee.. poor meeee...poor MEEEEEE! 
 
 So you think you can chunder and then feel alright? 
 So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night? 
 Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby 
 Just had to come out 
 It just had to come right out in here. 
 
 (slow bit) 
 Korma or dupizza bhaji, naan or saag 
 Nothing makes a difference 
 Nothing makes a difference 
 To meee.... 
 

Index