A jump-lead walks into a bar.The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't
 start anything." 
 
 A sandwich walks into a bar.The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food
 in here."
 
 A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 
 
 A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: 
 "Pint please, and one for the road." 
 
 A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman 
 comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?' The 
 man says "A premature ejaculation". "What?" says thewoman. 
 The man says, "I've just come in my pants." 
 
 Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to thedoc. 
 Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it." 
 
 I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50quid 
 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 
 'no, the steaks are too high.' 
 
 A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. 
 He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" 
 The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off" 
 
 Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
 hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 
 
 Two fish swim into a concrete wall.One turns to the other and says,
 "dam"

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