Sid Wadell - class!
 
 "I can only sum that up in one word - world-class darts" 
 "even the crumpet knows that's not good enough " 
 "they're showing Shakespeare's Othello over on BBC1 but if you want real
  drama tonight, get down here to Jollies, Stoke-on-Trent" 
 "tell Mrs Dellar not to bother putting the chips on, 'cos Keith won't be
  home for his tea tonight" 
 "That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus." 
 "It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia." 
 "His physiognomy is that of a weeping Madonna." 
 "Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we've got drama with a capital D in Essex." 
 "If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they'd have gone home." 
 "He's as cool as a prized marrow!" 
 "Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint." 
 "You couldn't get more excitement here if Elvis Presley walked in eating a
  chip sandwich!" 
 "He's playing out of his pie crust." 
 "He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave." 
 "Here's Baxter doing a cock-a-leekie soup job on Ovens!" 
 "The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome" 
 "His face is sagging with tension." 
 "The fans now, with their eyes pierced on the dart board." 
 "He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends." 
 "Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens ... Aaah,Bristow." 
 "They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor.
  They'll have to play outta their essence!" 
 "Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall
  body strength." 
 "There's no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers" 
 "That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!" 
 "Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!" 
 "He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed" 
 "Look at the man go,its like trying to stop a waterbufflo with a
  pea-shooter" 
 "The atmosphere is so tense , if Elvis walked in ,with a portion of
  chips, you could hear the vinegar sizzle" 
 "Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the
  windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy" 
 "Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured,
  whereas Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre
  Damme" 
 "It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline" 
 "Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your
  neck out" 
 "His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch" 
 "As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here." 
 "He is as slick as minestrone soup" 
 "There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the
  Christians to the Lions." 
 "Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts
  orbit!" 
 "The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the
  Collosium when the Christians were on the menu." 
 "Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's chuffing like a
  choo-choo train!" 
 "He's planting those arrows with the accuracy of a couple of
  inter-continental ballistic missiles." 
 "Bob Anderson ... looking like Lee van Cleef on a bad night!" 
 "Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's THE donis" 
 "The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out
  there!" 
 "He's like D'Artagnan at the scissor factory." 
 "This lad has more checkouts than Tescos." 

Index