David Ginola 
 Vagina dildo 
 
 Teddy Sheringham 
 Teddy Minge rash 
 
 Ossie Ardiles 
 Arse is soiled 
 
 Diego Maradona 
 O dear, I'm a gonad 
 (how true) 
 
 Tony Blair PM 
 I'm Tory plan B 
 
 Virginia Bottomley 
 I'm an evil Tory bigot 
 
 Michael Heseltine 
 Elect him, he's alien 
 
 David Mellor 
 Dildo marvel 
 
 Dame Agatha Christie 
 I am a right death case 
 
 (I like this one) 
 The Metropolitan Police Force 
 I'm fellatio, the erect porno cop 
 
 Benson and Hedges 
 NHS been a godsend 
 
 Selina Scott 
 Elastic snot 
 
 Mel Gibson 
 Big melons 
 
 Gloria Estefan 
 Large fat noise 
 
 Chris Rea 
 Rich arse 
 
 Martina Navratilova 
 Variant rival to a man 
 
 Gabriela Sabatini 
 Insatiable airbag 
 
 Irritable Bowel Syndrome 
 O my terrible drains below 
 
 Evangelist 
 Evil's Agent 
 
 Desperation 
 A Rope Ends It 
 
 The Morse Code 
 Here Come Dots 
 
 Mother-in-law 
 Woman Hitler 
 
 Semolina 
 Is No Meal 
 
 A Decimal Point 
 I'm a Dot in Place 
 
 Eleven plus two 
 Twelve plus one 
 
 President Clinton, of the USA 
 To copulate, he finds interns 
 
 And a final one .... 
 
 Motorway Service Station 
 I eat coronary vomit stews. 

Index